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Saturday, May 14, 2011

Jesus help me!

I have spent the past 5 hours trying to -aline- sign in -sign out -get pictures -emailed and figures out how to get into another post. I am sure it will seem funny in a few day but right now lets just say if I was a baptist I would be cussing right now. But, I keep telling myself that these things get easier every time I do them. I am not in a very nice mood because I have not been keeping food in the house that I can eat and I am HUNGRY! And I am ILL! I have Celiac and I have very few options. So I get lazy and live off salad oatmeal, apples and rice cakes. Yuk!! It makes me ill!!! I have got to go to the grocery store tomorrow. I went upstairs to gather everyone clothes for church remembering all the good memories we have had. I would shop on Saturday for our Sunday clothes and the excitement that it would bring. We always felt you dress you best for other functions, so why not for the house of God? so as a family we always abide by that tradition.  As I thought about that excitement I felt when I shopped I thought about something I had read. Happiness, the way God defines it, is a state of well being that reaches deep into the soul of a man or woman. Its context is much broader than mere circumstance. Its effect on the emotions goes beyond momentary excitement. I will say I have not shopped for church clothes since we have been here almost 14 months ago. but I can say I have had true excitement. True joy. But I have had many many night when I have laid my head down and not known how I would have the gas to drive my children to school. And have prayed God you are my only source you are my only hope. I didn't even have the courage to tell Kenny how scared and afraid I was. I could not bring myself to say it out loud. True excitement true joy deep in your soul is not dependent on your circumstances it is dependent on true assure that we know WHO holds our tomorrow. Good night.

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