Monday, June 27, 2011
Posted by Angela Marie at 9:02 PM
Saturday, June 25, 2011
be completely explainable and comprehensible to mere men? As I sat there a sense of excitement began to build as I thought about the care God had put into our future and what was in store for our family, And the shame and the abandoment and loneliness somehow seemed small. I began to look at my circumstances through the eyes of Gods promises, which I will be doing a post next week explaining, instead of looking at Gods promises through the eyes of my circumstances .I may be experiencing one thing, but Gods promises say another. A British evangelist said, the world has yet to see what God will do with and for and through and in and by the man who is fully and wholly consecrated to HIm. He said a man. He didnt say a rich man, a great man, a learned man, nor a wise man, nor an eloquent man, but simply a man. I am a man, and it lies with the man himself whether he will or will not make that entire and full consecration. I will try my utmost to be that man. I surrender to that promise, I step out from my limitations and my own desires and into Gods vast eternal plan for my life, whatever it is He has for me. That something "new'.The issue is not how much you have of God, but how much God has of us.
Posted by Angela Marie at 6:43 PM
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Posted by Angela Marie at 7:18 PM
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Posted by Angela Marie at 2:16 PM
Monday, June 20, 2011
Posted by Angela Marie at 4:59 PM
Saturday, June 18, 2011
many, many programs for everyone. We have known many leaders of churches, many religious leaders, yet I can tell you there are so few who do not have a long line of problems and issues, most of which the congregation will never see. This does not mean these men are, necessarily, hypocritical or charlatans, it just simply means they are like all the rest of us, they need help. Some were very bright, some were very simple, and some were simple, but were certain they were bright, but through and through they all wanted you to believe them to be something far greater than they were. There have only been a very few who were men and women who just accepted and loved everyone and they knew and they never believed they were above,
nor never displayed to anyone the idea they were above, anyone. The modern leader is, usually, of the sort who believe they are a "special" breed, they are making their way up, they are, in some way, superior to even the laity of their church. When you find those remarkable individuals who have never accepted that form of personality, they are always the most noble! They never forget the grace they first received from God, the kindness He showed in accepting the meagre and fool-hearty man or woman who were His creation, yet who lived with great evil in their lives, they could not, and, indeed, should not, ever forget that kind of compassion. They are the most civil, most forgiving, most noble, most kind, most humble, and most remarkable people you will ever meet, but they, also, are the most uncommon. We had been excited because the pastor of this church was extraordinary in many, many ways and he had forged a growing and unique church in the mountains. It is always thrilling to see these kinds of churches and we felt that we were on the verge of leaving these bad times behind and, finally, moving forward again. The pastor was a very sensitive man to spiritual things, which is also a very, unfortunately, unique characteristic in pastors. He had, as a matter of truth, spoken to us on many occasions through his honest and sensitive sermons, and on one occasion, had spoken directly to us, from the pulpit, a word which was so very timely to us. We knew we needed to speak to churches about our hard time and we also knew our message was going to be about "grace". Let me say something, in case you might be from outside of a conventional church, about "grace". When the people from churches talk about grace what they are referring to is a very uniquely Christian idea. It has to do with the very core of God's Nature. Grace is more than just a kindness, it is more than just God showing us favor, it has to do with who we are. It, also, has to do with Who God is. There is such a huge and unimaginable gulf between God and humanity. Just in creation alone it is visible that God, by shear power and intellect, is something, or someone, Who is far beyond our capacity to understand, but there is something more, He is not only in power and brilliance far beyond us, He is in Honor and Nobility, unlike anything we can imagine or mentally understand. He should never touch nor mingle with us for all of those reasons. What He says, however, is that anything He does for, or with, us is a matter of nothing we have done, nor could do, to deserve such kindness, it is an act coming from Him. Now, how that should translate in our lives is that we should never, if we understand anything about "grace", imagine that we are good enough, honorable enough, or noble enough, to stand in good favor toward God. I hope I haven't confused the issue rather than defined it, however, if you have known church folk for very long you know most of them conduct themselves as if they have deserved every single kindness God has shown them, how ridiculous!! Back to my point, as Kenny was arriving we were sure this was the time and the moment for us to be resurrected from this death sentence, therefore, Kenny and I decided to visit the pastor and tell him everything. He had built a respected and honorable relationship with many, many pastors throughout the region. We were sure this was going to lead to opportunities to begin to start over, or maybe to begin what we knew was our destiny. The meeting was scheduled and as it started Kenny felt a connection with the pastor. It seemed to be exactly what we had expected, but suddenly things changed. Kenny was not sure if the pastor had believed he was not telling the entire truth, if he has said something offensive, or if he had just not been very clear, however by the time the meeting was coming to a close the pastor was beginning to use, what we call in the church lingo, "coined" phrases, the kind of things you tell teenagers who you know are trying to find themselves, a feeling that was confirmed when three to four weeks later the pastor used the exact same phrases from the pulpit in speaking to people who were just getting into church circles or just beginning to understand who God is, they certainly were not the types of things you say to a peer or a person who you know to have been a long-standing leader in the same circles. It was devastating. We were not certain what had happened. We knew what we would have done had we known someone who had been in our shoes, as a matter of fact, we had a very similar situation happen when we were leaders in the little church in Tallahassee. A young couple had come home from overseas after a, almost, five year stint in South Africa. They were on a humanitarian trip, yet they had been devastated by many robberies, many betrayals, many misgivings. When we met, it was with the hopes of them coming to serve in the church in Tallahassee, but as we got to know them, even though they would have been fantastic leaders, we knew they were destined to return to South Africa. We spent months making sure we helped them find their bearings and carry on their noble vocation. They did, indeed, do exactly that. We were certain we were going to find a friendship and a key piece of our future. We knew it would take time, there would have to be some time spent getting to know us, some time to fill in a few blanks, but it was sure that all that would happen. I assure you, it did not. We were a much a blight to this new leadership as we had been to the leadership we had known in West Florida. It was staggering! We never got a text, never got phone call, never got a letter. We did, almost a month later, get a small check from the church, for which we were so thankful, but money was the least of what we needed or what we hoped for. It certainly helped us for the moment, but, as most of us know who have been in remote dessert places, what people need is hope, connection, a listening ear, more so, a listening heart, this was left off the table. These are the times when you are unable to make sense of things. What did this mean? What was the point? We always built our lives on a foundational principle, or I guess I should say two principles, try to Love God first and foremost, which I confess we have failed at, and to try and love people in the same way we loved ourselves, which I confess, again, we have failed at, however, it is not very hard to attempt this. We always tried to imagine what people were feeling, what their life was like, what their pain was like, and then do something, even a small thing, to connect with and bear under that pain. We knew this was what we would, eventually, find, especially from people who were those unique and extraordinary types, who you seldom find, those who have known grace and those who live in grace towards others. We would not find it! I am sure much of it had to do with our imagining what was suppose to happen next, our trying to figure out what was meant to happen, and "how", it might, also, have been the accumulated time of hardship, none-the-less, it was no less painful. We had started this journey alone, and it seemed, we were destined to always be alone. What it may well have been was another of those untidy issues no-one wishes to talk about when it comes to our "church" communities. We have lots of "stuff" in the churches of America now. We have what we have called "the best". We have sound systems, so that we can really appreciate the fantastic voices of our talented church singers, we have softball fields and baseball fields, we have video and audio technicians, just in case we decide to publish our wonderful productions, which, surely, if the world could only see they would flock to our houses of worship and, thereby, see God, what we struggle with is "time", "time" to look for the eyes of the people around us who are crushed and weary, "time" to drop our choir practice to make sure that 19 year old, unmarried, pregnant girl, can have an afternoon, not of counseling, but of companionship, "time" to have coffee with the 79 year old woman who has lost her soul-mate and is, privately, undone. I don't know everything our modern church needs, but I know what it seldom has, genuine, heartfelt, and unrelenting compassion. We have mimicked compassion by making sure we have many programs, but compassion can never, ever, ever be mimicked. People aren't looking for leaders they are looking for what I would call "searchers", people who search out broken spirits, not to help guide them, but to help hold them!!
Posted by Angela Marie at 6:36 PM
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Our 20 yrs old buying us groceries and helping with the kids fees at school and carrying part of the burdens of our family, not out of obligations but out of love. It tore my heart out. I can say it was a different child than the one who left Tallahassee, Florida. The one that spited her siblings, was full of anger and hostility, appreciated nothing, and carried a dark foreboding with her everywhere. What she has become, since being in North Carolina, was, really, what she always was, but there was just too much anger and resentment and pain. All I could say was God will provide, but I doubted it myself. How do you encourage when you are not encouraged yourself. We were all down and discouraged deep in our souls. She was just young and able to express it more verbally and emotionally. I was secretly crying out "God, Emma is going to get so discourage she is going to never want any part of the church and think we have lived our entire lives for something that has brought us to a dead end", and beyond all this she had seen church people at their worst, hostile, angry, bitter, and more troubled than most of the people she knew. She, as many people throughout time, had the mistaken idea that you can define God by his worshipers! And once again, I heard that small voice, Angie trust Me. But, God my child is hurting, she is in danger. Angie, trust me. Emma went to work the next day and she called me crying and instantly my heart sank, it scared me, she said, "Mom, everyone got together and bought me 4 tires, all I have to do is go have them put on!" She was crying so hard I could hardly understand her! So I thought of the passage in the Bible that says God will not put on you more than you can take, and I think Emma and Kenny and I were at our ropes end (a theme for us, one I know you are getting very, very tired of), and God provided a way out, through a source I would have never seen possible. How many times do we limit or define God, how we imagine we know all the possible resolutions to a horrid moment in our lives and when none of our solutions work we believe God is not quite as creative as we are. I know I do it all the time, it is in my DNA, maybe it is in all our DNA, I like to have things planned and organized and I like to know what to expect, I thought, "Maybe I can ask this one to help with her tires, maybe she can get a loan, maybe this or maybe that" trying to fix things myself, but if I have learned anything, looking back on the last 3 years of our life, it has been by NO ONE'S hand, but by the hand of God that our family has been sustained. But how quickly I forget it from day to day! As I said yesterday, I am just human and I am weak, and these are very difficult things we are facing and as I spoke of the commonplace, I meet God daily and I face my inadequacies daily, situation by situation. I have tried to adopt an attitude of emotional and spiritual gratitude as a lifestyle and it serves as a powerful antidote to discouragement and a sense of failure. Gratitude focuses on what we have, rather than on what we don't have. It is difficult to accept that God's greatest work in our life might currently be under way in a mundane and un-seen way, one which may well be underestimated by us or anyone else. It is not the American spirit, and it is not the American Church spirit, but it may well be the right spirit. If, indeed, it is, it should be a great consolation to all of us, knowing the only thing God, really, expects from us is Trust, not ability! Sounds good, I would really, really, like to be There!!
Posted by Angela Marie at 3:07 PM
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Christmas post yesterday! How quick my fear had consumed me. Suddenly all my advice and all the the stories, laying in that dark room seemed like of no help to me. I felt crippled, I felt that old familiar feeling of God you are our only hope, You are all we have. Remember when I knelt, early on in this dilemma in our life, and I said my children would see me display character and integrity during times when it is not so easy to display those traits. Well, I have come to call these moments these days the commonplace, I don't think greatness shows up in a moment I think it shows up in everyday experiences and how we respond to each and every one of those situations, this is what the commonplace is, this is life in the making, the routine life, when no one is looking, the unstaged , like the candid shots, they prove to be the most cherished and most intriguing, they capture life. God uses the commonplace to shape our hearts. I think about the fear and pain I felt last night, I know God doesn't take pleasure in my pain, but He does want to see me whole. C.S. Lewis gave us great insight, "God whispers to us in our pleasures, but shouts to us in our pain". We all suffer some form of pain , physical or psychological. But will we grow from it or will we let it diminish us? The longer I layed there the more I realized the one who walks in joy has made the decision to look for God. Joy rest on the awareness of God's presence. Joy does not depend on circumstances. It grows out of a relationship with one's God. It is a habit supported by hundreds and hundreds of moments of choosing to look for God in situations when it would be easier to give up. A funny thing, when you chose joy, it give rise to hope, and hope always leads to God. So when we keep a joyful heart, when we chose a joyful heart, it consistently keeps delivering our hearts to God for His work. So I got up and thought God, people save all year to spend a week in these mountains and we are blessed to live here!!! So if we have to eat PB& J, I chose joy and I chose the commonplace of the day to day of making memories with my kids and having you shape my heart and make me the whole and complete person you intend me to be.
Posted by Angela Marie at 8:13 PM
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Posted by Angela Marie at 7:38 PM
Friday, June 10, 2011
he had never become angry nor bitter, and he would not stop trying. He is our long-haired child and she said he would just drop his head so his hair would fall over his eyes so the kids could not see the tears trickling down his face. Now, a year later, another series of problems. We didn't have a clue. None-the-less, is it a new and unusual problem? To hear it from an 11 year old just may put it in a purer light. He had no anger, no malice, he was not trying to turn anyone against his tormentors, he was just making an observation. Is there any of us who haven't been in the same exact place? Money, power, manipulation, pride! It comes so early, it comes with vengeance and it comes, at times, with great pleasure, pleasure at being able to feel superior, above the "others", powerful, and it changes everyone and everything around it. There is not always clarity as to where this kind of personality comes from, it may, at times, come from the insecurities of the child, it may come from the mother and father, through either their own sense of superiority or, as is often the case, because there is little time for sons and daughters-therefore leaving all the siblings searching for an identity in any extreme behavior, sometimes it is just, as the old timers say, "in-em", it is just their DNA, their genetic code. However, it is far reaching and it consumes and alters everything it touches. How do you address it? What do you say about it? It didn't arrive in the 21st Century, it didn't blossom in American affluence, it has been with us since the days of our ancestral father, and it has never been any prettier. Psychologists, Psychiatrist, Professors, Philosophers, farmers, school teachers, the home-less, it is not prejudice and it is relentless. How does it come to one individual feeling they are above any other? Is it true? Are some of us better than others? The preamble to the Constitution says that we hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men (mankind) are created "equal". Well, there it is, "created". If it is true, if by some
chance our modern scientific advocates are wrong, I am not talking about the space and time of creation, I am simply talking about "creation" then what would that statement mean? It would mean there is no such thing as one individual being superior to another, the essence of humanity would be being human. I am not saying that none of us have unique and beautiful talents and gifts, but what I am saying is that no matter what we have and don't have we are equal by being from the same source and having been given life by a Designer. We instinctively know there should be no such points of view, but we will forever find ourselves fighting these ideas. What I wonder, what Kenny wonders, is how do we move from here? Do we need to fight? Do we need to "scream"? Do we need to start a revolution to subdue such ideas and people? The only source we trust is the revelation God has given us about Who He is. If He created us we can be sure He understands us best, He knows our motivations, He is aware of our vices and tendencies. What did He say about these things? I am not altogether sure, but one thing I am aware of is that He said, Vengeance is a hollow master, rage begets rage, and that to usurp someones will (trying to force someone to do what's right without them choosing it) is a method He Himself has never used. What then? It certainly doesn't seem He wishes us to deny it exists, nor does it seem He wishes us to be unwilling to confront it, or at least acknowledge it, but He seemed to say control it while children are young, circumvent the bullies while you can, but in the end we will all have to face them. A dear young man we know, a hard working and good hearted kid, lost a great job he had worked hard at for almost three years not because his work ethic changed, not because he lost his mind, but because his direct supervisor had some odd form of hostility toward him. He was called into the office about three weeks ago and fired on the spot, without any for-warning! It crushed him. What do you do? There seems to be two imperatives and they must work in unison or they fall flat, first, as we submit to God He releases peace to us, He understands rejection and hostility (most of humanity have that form of relation with Him now) but He, also, gave to us even when it cost Him so much pain and even though we were enemies toward Him; secondly, we have to forgive! Do not deny the problem exists, do all you can to confront it, address it, speak directly to it, but after all is done, usually, these bullies still hold their high ground, at that time there is an absolute necessity to forgive. It seems that these moments are the moments we stand near to Him. Jesus made some astounding comments and maybe none are more outlandish than this one, "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you"
but did He really mean it? Could He mean it? Was it just some odd metaphor or figure of speech? He did not. First, surrender to God, then, and only then, find a place to forgive. I would say this is not modern wisdom!!! What I can say is that after we shed our private tears, after we fight to keep from having a
tissy-fit, we will sit with Jesse Cole and we will tell him we love him, that he should never feel beneath any individual nor above any, but after all that, he will have to come to a time where he trusts God before all else and he will have to forgive. It seems he already has a strong element of forgiveness in him!!! O how I wish I could fight all his Battles!!!!
Posted by Angela Marie at 7:59 AM
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
- As I sat outside, avoiding going in, because the pain of going in and facing having to see all my things was too great, I was faced once again, with deciding what was of most value because we could not afford to take everything. I still had a few things in our home in Tallahassee, the short sale was close but as of yet not a sure thing and far from being final. My nature is one of organization and to have the people and the things I love close, so this had caused me great stress. And one day, when I feel stronger, I will tell you the story of when Kenny found me sitting outside on a yard sofa too mentally distraught to enter the house, I had been sitting in 30 degree weather for over 4 hrs. All my hanging fixtures I had custom ordered, most coming from inexpensive stores where I had found the exact shape and color and design. The boys, fan/light fixture I had hunted for weeks, because it was an airplane stainless steel combination that went along with the theme of the boys love for everything "country" (American). And Emma, I had to have a pink hanging chandelier, it sounds expensive but it wasn't, it was just the investment of my time, but it was so worth the weeks and weeks I had spent looking once it was hung and her stuff was moved in. Bella's antique art table I had sanded and her hand prints were sealed in the top. All of these things, thanks to my Dad, were down and sitting in a corner of our dining room, but I didn't have the space to bring them. I thought God, All my things are of no value to anyone, but me, my style is of an eclectic (a sort of disjointed style of decorating) nature, it would bring no money, but it would cost a huge amount for us to move. Well the Virgina job didn't work out, and the program that had been assisting us with our rent had left Ms.Betty a message that they were out of funds and would not cover any more of our rent and the rent was coming up in 2 weeks. So our only option was to get what we could and head down south and move in with my Dad. I thought back and wondered, "How did I get here?". In 3 yrs. Such a short time! Now, having to be put out of a house when we had already lost a home, been separated, moved in with my mother, moved into this house and now having to leave the few things I had left behind. I had mentioned in a previous post a woman we had met at a funeral Kenny had presided over. A wonderful woman with a beautiful voice (she was a professional level singer). After the funeral, she came up to Kenny and said my husband is the station manger of a local Christian television station and I want you to call him. Long story short, we became friends with that couple, and their three children, and within about 3 months someone had underwritten, for free, Kenny an hour long, weekly television program! For free! We had felt, for the entire year of 2007, that something dramatic was about to come to us, a huge and unexpected change. We hoped it was going to be something with the Church we pastored, but we were really wrong about that. The moment we heard that proposal (it was all the way into November) we knew this was it. But, this gentlemen, who was such a likable person, made an odd statement, just in passing, to us and I don't even think it registered, "Good luck with all this, everyone I have ever known that has ever gone into television has had great tragedy in there life". Well we kinda laughed, kinda ignored it, didn't really know how to take it, because we weren't familiar enough with any of this to make a judgment either way. We prayed many times to have the privilege to influence many, many people. So often the modern Church hides away, never speaking to the people in their community about what it is they believe, and today many, many people have grown up having never been in a church, nor having been exposed to anything at all concerning the Scriptures of the Christian Church. This was unthinkable four decades ago, most schools, in the south at least, read the Bible every morning before class (Yes, it is True-a Bible being read In a Public School). We had spoken in that church for several years, but had probably no more than 50 visitors in that time. Kenny had always structured his speaking for people who have little or none of the Church's nomenclature (unique vocabulary-which makes no sense to most people outside of church circles), but it did little good with average Church folks, sometimes making them frustrated. Mr. Norman, whose funeral this was, had also told Kenny that he saw Kenny in this light someday. It was a strange series of events and how they played out. 2007 things were going great, work was coming in, we were pastoring a small church and they had under written our medical insurance, which was very gracious. Life was good. Let me also say, that because of our business, Kenny and I took a unique stand to not ask for money from the platform of that program. The business afforded us that luxury. Television has such a negative and cheesy appearance most of the time(that is Christian TV). We wanted the program to broadcast during church hours, so it reached nonchurched people, we didn't feel like our destiny was to the church goers, but to the ones that found themselves outside the church, Kenny's style was, also, very much geared to college town students, professors, and also the ones who had never been in a church.. I have had too many to count, of Emma's friends, call and say, they had been out partying all night and at 11:00 on Sunday morning they had put Mr Dyer on because he was a teacher and he was funny. Kenny was careful to speak as if he was talking to someone face to face instead of this "special" language we seem to go into when we all gather together, Who is that for anyway? I think it might be to impress each other? So sad. So we did not get money for the program and to this day that program goes out in Tallahassee (and also in Knoxville, Tenn) and, to this day, we have gotten no money (3 years later) from it and we have asked for none, in spite of numbers of our friends disagreeing with this approach. So we were so excited, not about the notoriety, but the opportunity to speak of the hope we had found and share it with thousands of people, that never find themselves in a church pew. So we decided through the program we certainly would get invites to come and speak at local churches, and if that happened, we would have some form of extra income. Another odd, odd thing was that we both, instantly, knew we were suppose to resign the church we were currently pastoring. That took a lot of soul-searching, because even though we gave away most of the money we received from the church, we did have health insurance through them, but we were sure of what we should do and we decided God would take care of the rest. So we began 2008 the very first Sunday, a live broadcast in which Kenny spoke for almost 2 hours!! (Yeah I said "spoke" for 2 hours)He was worried how he would react, whether he would either freeze or turn into some alter-ego, so he over-prepare notes so that
We tried to speak about Baptist, Methodist, Charismatic, and most all types of Christian churches, not just one group and we mentioned them by name, as well as their leadership. Then came six months, then nine, then twelve. What was just as ironic was that we personally knew over thirteen local pastors and in one year we spoke at only about five churches (only two of which was part of the group we knew), and this will not seem strange to you if you have never been in church circles, but of those five churches three did not
even take up an offering for our gas or food expenses(That is Completely Unheard of) 1000 men could go to 5 churches, be the worst public speaker in history, close the service, and out of that 1000, not 2 men could say that 3 or less had not even taken up an offering (offering just means any amount the people wished
to give-without the church itself being obligated to anything). The point is, this was an impossibility, yet one which we managed to stumble into. But, once again, we seem to stumble into the most outrageous, unthinkable of things. Week after week, Kenny would leave whatever work he had, come home, shower get dressed, at our expense, drive to the studio and record the program, and nothing. Absolutely nothing came from that program. Those are the times, I know for me, I had to continue to stand on the promise that God had made us, because we were seeing nothing, visible with our eyes reaffirm that we were on track. All we had to go on was a hope and a prayer. The studio manger, the other ministers who had programs would scratch their heads, it just did not make sense. But we would put our last 20.00 dollars in Kenny's truck to get to the studio, because we were confident that God was using Kenny to reach people that the conventional church was not able to reach. I would get ready and we would make it something we would do together, and I am shamed to say, I got so discouraged, toward the end I didn't even have the heart to go. I thought God, I feel like a complete hypocrite sitting in that studio listening to Kenny, when I don't know if I have the faith in my own heart to believe what he is saying. Emma had been arrested, the money was beginning to go, and things were just getting worse and worse. The ancients would say (by that I mean my
Grandma's generation) You just have to obey God! It might seem as if we were doing everything right, that we had the purest of motives, that we were straight arrows, that was not true. However, we did make a decision and that decision was to continue in whatever we felt we should do at the moment, even if it really,
really cost us, we had just not imagined it would really cost us THAT MUCH.
Posted by Angela Marie at 8:40 PM
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
said He had come to serve! There is some question as to Who Jesus was, but even the most agnostic of
humans cannot deny He has been the most influential Man in history. Furthermore, if you believe His is more, that He is kindred with God, God's Son, what a profound point of view. The Son of God came to serve, rather than be served. What if this was always His plan, what if this (all our trouble) was all meant? The remarkable converted Rabbi, who suffered for so many years and suffered so, so much, his name was
Paul, said I am comforted by the One who is the True Comforter. I know that night, almost three years ago,
when we got the call to go and pick up Emma's car, when we saw the most dreadful moment, I would have
given up my "Denali", my "home", my "stuff" to protect and help her, without a thought. Would I not be willing to suffer for the sake of connecting with and serving others? I was called by God to serve, since I was a little girl. America is not built on serving it is built on being served and being Master.
I know it sounds odd, but when I realized we were utterly and totally alone, no-one was there, no-one was coming, no-one was listening, and no-one was, even, looking, I heard God speak to me, not in a voice, but in a deep impression in my heart, that He was going to take care of everything we needed, but He would do it day to day as we needed. That was really scary, really outrageous, but I can say, two years have passed and we still have what we need, at least through "this" day. It has not been an easy thing living this "day to "day" way of life, but I am confident that God is true to His word, He is true to His promises, and our life is bigger than this world we know. What we have built our lives on is very old fashioned, very archaic, but I long ago decided I would focus on His purpose for my life, and that is what I have tried to do, that is what we have tried to do, if we have been wrong how far back do we have to go to find when and where it was? In spite of all of it I still believe what God has promised us and what He has said was our purpose, and I believe He does not lie, and is incapable of it. There is an afterlife that we will face, and this life will seem short. When Kenny goes in to pray with the kids at night and I hear Emma yell out, (yes Emma home at 9:00) good night Mom I love you, I have a peace that is not dependent on my circumstances of that day. It is based on knowing things are right where they are suppose to be. Things don't always have to be easy, things don't always to have to make sense, but I think I see this new lot in life as an honor, as if I have been chosen for a moment in time to be a small part of helping others who may be in a dark and despairing place, and at this moment in my life, it is well with my soul.
Posted by Angela Marie at 4:57 PM