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Friday, June 10, 2011

How Can One Child Change Everyone's Relationship?

We were all friends last year. Well that changed. It all changed when we got a new kid. I don't know if it is his fault only, because the other boys should not have let him change them. But I can understand wanting things and maybe if you are friends then you will not be the one who is picked on. I don't know how a class can be divided, when we are all just kids. It is just cloths and shoes that has separated us. Well, I guess backpacks, expensive pencils and other gadgets too. Expensive basketballs too.  I have a closet full of Abercrombie and Fitch clothes that were my brothers but that are very uncomfortable and I don't like to wear them. My Mom is very good at finding sales. She even use to buy clothes on sale for other kids who didn't have clothes. How can another kid make you feel so bad, when you really don't care , you never even thought about your clothes, all you cared about was being comfortable and shoes was just to keep your feet covered. But now I feel bad., I feel like I am not as good.  I feel sad. Now I think about what I put on. They ask, "Where did you get that? Walmart?"  I don't know what to say, so they say, "If you got Under Armour", and they laugh, "it might help you lose weight", I am embarrassed, but I don't show it. That is not funny to me. Me or my friends don't laugh. The never  let up. I wait til they are seated in the cafeteria so I don"t have to sit by them and have to hear them brag and have them pick at me. It makes me sad.  They do and say things so Ms Northrup can"t hear or see, so I think they know it is wrong, so why do they do it, if they know it hurts someone. I don't think they care if it hurts someone they just don't want to get in trouble. I have never seen one of my friends so angry, he is really a good person, but he couldn't take anymore and he just jumped on him. I hold it in and I get headaches. Sports are not even fun because he takes over and makes us feel like we are not as good, because we have not had private lessons and we are not as good so we just quit and go do something else. If we had custom shoes with our name on them we would play better. I don't understand, that doesn't make sense, isn't it suppose to be fun?  I don't know why they would give up going on field trips, recess, parties, lots of fun things just to be friends with him. Things 11 yr olds do, kid stuff I guess because he has money. But that doesn't make him nice. It makes him treat people mean. I would like him or the other boys even if he didn't have money or they didn't act like they were cool. I guess they don't like us. But I don't know, I try to stay out of their way, avoid them, so I wont be the one they embarrass, or make me feel bad about myself. We have a new girl and they ask her a question and they make fun of her because she has a speech problem. I told her to sit with us and just stay out of their way I don't know why we can"t all be friends and not care what we wear or what we have, but I guess it is too late. I only wish that was all made up just to prove a point, however, it isn't and it makes me sad.  It was what my 11 year old told us today.  For a while we realized he was always having headaches on Mondays, he has always been given to migraines, but it seemed to be some form of stress.  You may remember this is the son who, Jesse Cole, was diagnosed with Dyslexia last year.  The months before he was diagnosed there were two boys in his class who, when he would try to read (of course he couldn't because of his problem-and it was mandatory for all the children to stand in front of the class and read aloud) and they would yell out loud that he was "stupid" and they harassed him without mercy.  The teacher was infuriated, but in spite of all types of punishments, for some reason they would not stop.  His teacher told us, much later, she had never seen, in over 30 years of teaching, a kid with so much integrity, so much determination, but what she meant was even more heart wrenching, because she said regardless of the harassment, the humiliation, the shame,
he had never become angry nor bitter, and he would not stop trying.  He is our long-haired child and she said he would just drop his head so his hair would fall over his eyes so the kids could not see the tears trickling down his face.  Now, a year later, another series of problems.  We didn't have a clue.  None-the-less, is it a new and unusual problem?  To hear it from an 11 year old just may put it in a purer light.  He had no anger, no malice, he was not trying to turn anyone against his tormentors, he was just making an observation.  Is there any of us who haven't been in the same exact place?  Money, power, manipulation, pride!  It comes so early, it comes with vengeance and it comes, at times, with great pleasure, pleasure at being able to feel superior, above the "others", powerful, and it changes everyone and everything around it. There is not always clarity as to where this kind of personality comes from, it may, at times, come from the insecurities of the child, it may come from the mother and father, through either their own sense of superiority or, as is often the case, because there is little time for sons and daughters-therefore leaving all the siblings searching for an identity in any extreme behavior, sometimes it is just, as the old timers say, "in-em", it is just their DNA, their genetic code.  However, it is far reaching and it consumes and alters everything it touches.  How do you address it?  What do you say about it?  It didn't arrive in the 21st Century, it didn't blossom in American affluence, it has been with us since the days of our ancestral father, and it has never been any prettier. Psychologists, Psychiatrist, Professors, Philosophers, farmers, school teachers, the home-less, it is not prejudice and it is relentless.  How does it come to one individual feeling they are above any other?  Is it true?  Are some of us better than others?  The preamble to the Constitution says that we hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men (mankind) are created "equal".  Well, there it is, "created".  If it is true, if by some
chance our modern scientific advocates are wrong, I am not talking about the space and time of creation, I am simply talking about "creation" then what would that statement mean?  It would mean there is no such thing as one individual being superior to another, the essence of humanity would be being human.  I am not saying that none of us have unique and beautiful talents and gifts, but what I am saying is that no matter what we have and don't have we are equal by being from the same source and having been given life by a Designer.  We instinctively know there should be no such points of view, but we will forever find ourselves fighting these ideas.  What I wonder, what Kenny wonders, is how do we move from here?  Do we need to fight?  Do we need to "scream"?  Do we need to start a revolution to subdue such ideas and people?  The only source we trust is the revelation God has given us about Who He is.  If He created us we can be sure He understands us best, He knows our motivations, He is aware of our vices and tendencies.  What did He say about these things?  I am not altogether sure, but one thing I am aware of is that He said, Vengeance is a hollow master, rage begets rage, and that to usurp someones will (trying to force someone to do what's right without them choosing it) is a method He Himself has never used.  What then?  It certainly doesn't seem He wishes us to deny it exists, nor does it seem He wishes us to be unwilling to confront it, or at least acknowledge it, but He seemed to say control it while children are young, circumvent the bullies while you can, but in the end we will all have to face them.  A dear young man we know, a hard working and good hearted kid, lost a great job he had worked hard at for almost three years not because his work ethic changed, not because he lost his mind, but because his direct supervisor had some odd form of hostility toward him.  He was called into the office about three weeks ago and fired on the spot, without any for-warning!  It crushed him.  What do you do?  There seems to be two imperatives and they must work in unison or they fall flat, first, as we submit to God He releases peace to us, He understands rejection and hostility (most of humanity have that form of relation with Him now) but He, also, gave to us even when it cost Him so much pain and even though we were enemies toward Him; secondly, we have to forgive!  Do not deny the problem exists, do all you can to confront it, address it, speak directly to it, but after all is done, usually, these bullies still hold their high ground, at that time there is an absolute necessity to forgive.  It seems that these moments are the moments we stand near to Him.  Jesus made some astounding comments and maybe none are more outlandish than this one, "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you"
but did He really mean it?  Could He mean it?  Was it just some odd metaphor or figure of speech?  He did not.  First, surrender to God, then, and only then, find a place to forgive.  I would say this is not modern wisdom!!!  What I can say is that after we shed our private tears, after we fight to keep from having a
tissy-fit, we will sit with Jesse Cole and we will tell him we love him, that he should never feel beneath any individual nor above any, but after all that, he will have to come to a time where he trusts God before all else and he will have to forgive.  It seems he already has a strong element of forgiveness in him!!!  O how I wish I could fight all his Battles!!!!

1 comment:

  1. Many thanks for sharing your heartfelt stories. God bless you for having the courage to 1) speak out and 2) know what is right and true. - Karen at


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