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Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Trails Are An Honor

Have you ever came across someone who is what the kids call a "hater"? And you get all defensive and bow up and your gonna tell that person something and make them see that being a "hater" is  no way to be. So you go about to make them not be a "hater" and make the situation worse, but if you look closely, usually, they are people who have been deeply wounded. I will talk about issues today, that are very touchy issues,  touchy because they will have to come from me, because there is no one else to tell my story. There are different kinds of people who perceive things differently.When you have nice things, drive a nice car, wear nice cloths everyone wants to be near you. one kind of people just want to be near you because they associate nice things with success, intelligence, everything the media says we should chase after. They want to hear your opinion, have you in their group, oh the infamous.... AMERICAN DREAM. Then the other group is the one that says if you live in a nice house, drive a nice car, wear nice cloths, vote a certain way, you can't have any compassion for anyone but you and yours, you need a good lesson, your not 'humble" enough, ...... The "haters," as I spoke of at the beginning, somewhere, most usually, have been mistreated, unfairly overlooked, or somehow have not measured up, or they have worked very hard and somehow have not quite made it. So they see these things as a sign of a very shallow and  privileged person, someone who has advanced without earning it..  Again, I said I would be honest and forth right with my writing because I feel this would be of no value to me or anyone else if I do anything less. We of course had our circle of intimate friends and family, that stood by us and supported us along the way, but the dynamics of the two groups I just spoke of was not pretty as our demise began and until it made its last "ha-rah ha-rah. . The ones that wanted to be near, well these were the first to go. So impressed, they would run up, and laugh a stupid laugh, (I so hated-it, it was so shallow) "looks like the governor pulled up in that Denali", Kenny!  HA-HA I hated it, name dropping  that was only meant to intimidate or make someone feel bad. I never referred to it as the "Denali", I always said, "My truck". We would have never owned a vehicle of that expense had it been on the churches dime, but the business paid that lease, which was a tax write off. So as these people got fewer and fewer, and they would pass me, as I was walking to the store or the kids school, and I would wave just to make them uncomfortable, I realized the problem was theirs not mine. They weren't people who wanted to know anything about me or Kenny, they were impressed with what we had. So when that was gone, we were of no value to them. They didn't want open and honest, they wanted avoidance and wanted me to be invisible, suddenly, we were not so interesting, but I was not going away, my value, my purpose in this world,  had not change the moment I turned that Denali in, I see today my mission had changed, IT broadened. Now to the group that, almost, enjoyed seeing the "things" go, if I heard it said once I heard it  said at least 20 times, "God is teaching you humility, materials things aren't everything, it's God's will, you focused too much on the worldly things, you must have done something to put yourself here, because I am ok. There has to be a lesson here for you to learn. God bless you brother!!", as he looks over you shoulder to catch up with the next brother (one who is now more affluent than you). Let me tell you, these are not the things you want, or need, to hear when you are in  the middle of crisis. There was no listening, no just sitting and chatting, no "real" empathy.  When every foundational "truth" you have built your life on shifts, platitudes are not just hollow, they are offensive.  Troubles in life are one thing, however when the issues deal with the most sacred and sincere beliefs in your life, there is a magnificent instruction in the text of scripture, it simply says, "Weep with those who weep and mourn with those who mourn" or as best I can remember.  It is the most remarkable and insightful of instructions, and, I might say, the most civil and compassionate. Well, looking back now, maybe the lesson is this, maybe my lesson, maybe our lesson is displayed in the simple Bible truths that says, "The last shall be first", Jesus made a remarkable statement, it seems, almost, absurd, He made it in a very clear and vivid way and there is little mistaking what He said and what He meant, He
said He had come to serve!  There is some question as to Who Jesus was, but even the most agnostic of
humans cannot deny He has been the most influential Man in history.  Furthermore, if you believe His is more, that He is kindred with God, God's Son, what a profound point of view.  The Son of God came to serve, rather than be served.  What if this was always His plan, what if this (all our trouble) was all meant?  The remarkable converted Rabbi, who suffered for so many years and suffered so, so much, his name was
Paul, said I am comforted by the One who is the True Comforter.  I know that night, almost three years ago,
when we got the call to go and pick up Emma's car, when we saw the most dreadful moment, I would have
given up my "Denali", my "home", my "stuff" to protect and help her, without a thought.  Would I not be willing to suffer for the sake of connecting with and serving others? I was called by God to serve, since I was a little girl. America is not built on serving it is built on being served and being Master.                                  
I know it sounds odd, but when I realized we were utterly and totally alone, no-one was there, no-one was coming, no-one was listening, and no-one was, even, looking, I heard God speak to me, not in a voice, but  in a deep impression in my heart, that He was going to take care of everything we needed, but He would do it day to day as we needed.  That was really scary, really outrageous, but I can say, two years have passed and we still have what we need, at least through "this" day.  It has not been an easy thing living this "day to "day"  way of life, but I am confident that God is true to His word, He is true to His promises, and our life is bigger than this world we know. What we have built our lives on is very old fashioned, very archaic, but I long ago decided I would focus on His purpose for my life, and that is what I have tried to do, that is what we have tried to do, if we have been wrong how far back do we have to go to find when and where it was? In spite of all of it I still believe what God has promised us and what He has said was our purpose, and I believe He does not lie, and is incapable of it. There is an afterlife that we will face, and this life will seem  short. When Kenny goes in to pray with the kids at night  and I hear Emma yell out, (yes Emma home at 9:00) good night Mom I love you, I have a peace that is not dependent on my circumstances of that day. It is based on knowing things are right where they are suppose to be. Things don't always have to be easy, things don't always to have to make sense, but I think I see this new lot in life as an honor, as if I have been chosen for a moment in time to be a small part of helping others who may be in a dark and despairing place, and at this moment in my life, it is well with my soul.