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Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Our Daily Walk, So Many Beautiful Roses

As we started our daily walk,  I couldn't get a good stride, because I just could not stop myself from stopping and smelling each and every rose. They were just magnificent. Here in Waynesville, NC., there is an amazing lake called Lake Junaluska and on the two and a half mile sidewalk around the lake they have what is called the rose walk, and it is probably 400 feet long of just the most majestic rose bushes of every kind and variety imaginable. It is such a distraction for me!! But lately, everything distracts me! I guess it is our situation. It is funny how quickly our emotions go up and down. Sunday when the Bronco started knocking, my heart sank, that old dreaded feeling of the world is coming to an end. I felt the old ugliness, we all have in us, the bad attitudes and blaming, things that we shouldn't allow in our hearts. But, as I went to sleep, I prayed, "God all I can pray is I am weak and you know my heart and you love me regardless of my faults, help me". I woke, in much better spirits, even though nothing had changed. So it actually was a lesson, once again, for the millionth time learned, we must NOT let our emotions rule or lives. Isn't this what we teach our children, yet we can't even apply these simple truths to our own lives. But, here is the way I see it, it seems the more people have the tighter and more stingy they become and the less they enjoy it when they actually get to do something. When we would go out on our boat, the friends that had the most, bought the least amount of things. We were always the one buying the gas, bringing the food. Then we would invite a poor family and they would come with coolers full of things and offer to fill the boat with gas. Go figure. But money is not the only thing that can get off track, I remember, and let me say, by no means is this a bash Kenny site, or bash me site for that matter, I made an oath to be forth right with our failures and hopefully we will learn and grow and you as well will learn and grow from what we have been through. But I remember we had the most beautiful, Bennington, pontoon boat. We had bought it used, paid cash and it was the Cadillac of the pontoon boats. The seats were like big hugh  recliners. We would go out on Saturdays, or after church on Sundays, but, Kenny would be so consumed with the business, or the church he would  snap or he would be mentally somewhere else. I would get obsessed with kids smushing (is that a word!?- I guess a southern word!) chips into the carpet, I spent my entire time, worried as well. Let me tell you, if we had that boat now, we would find a family, who had very little, load up and we would certainly not think about anything, but ENJOYING the day at the river! SO I have to think how many missed days, or missed opportunities or moments we have let pass us by. I don't want to do that any more. We have been privileged to lived in the GREAT Smokey Mountains, people dream about living here. You don't need money, to hike, and explore or take long walks with my husband and talk about what we hope for our future and how God has been so good and faithful to us all these years. The kids have learned to garden and have had a connection to the soil, which is a hertiage that my grandmother left me, so much good, has came from so much hurt and devastation. My soul is inspired when  I see the beauty in these mountains, they display the handy work of the Maker. The  snow filled winter, the magnitude of looking up and as far as you can see snow covering the sky, the air so crisp, it burns your lungs, being curled up on the couch with Kenny in front of the fire for hours, no interruptions, something we had not done in years. Finding a young love again, in an old barn, with unfinished floors and no heat, scurrying off to bed early like honeymooners. Kenny spending a school year of driving the kids to school and spending the best part of their day with them, not when they are exhausted or irritable but the best, getting to see all their programs, meeting their teachers, all while many would say our life is in a shamble. I have even said it.  Shame on me. In our house the living/dining/kitchen/playroom/ is all one room, I was cooking, Wyatt was on his X-box, Emma, yes our 21yr old, and Bella and Coleman were playing Rock band, at home safe and sound, a family. Not scattered, not torn apart, or wounded, but happy, well adjusted and secure. Shame on me. Are we to quick to see the bad and never see the good? Aren't we guilty of even doing that toward our own country? Do we not have loyalty to anything anymore? God one more time, I will try to move forward and look for the good things you have given us and not let my emotions rule my life.