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Monday, July 25, 2011

Highest Order Of Business, Finding A Church

We visited a church today that, instantly, I felt a connection to. It had a very warm and inviting feeling. It was very much like the church I had grown up in and the church we had attended in Tallahassee. The kids also really liked childrens church. So unless something drastically changes I am pretty sure we will be staying at Highest Praise Family Worship Center. And it is just icing on the cake to also have family who attend. It felt like the old days, go to church, have lunch with family, then spend the afternoon relaxing and visiting. The kids are just so thrilled to be connected to family, I have seen a big change even in Wyatts personality just in the 2 weeks since we have been here. Kenny and Dad got in late last night with another trailer full of stuff from Tallahassee. Finally, I have MY bed. It will be so good to have my own bed. It has been almost 3 years since I have had my bed. As I see the familiar stuff I feel my heart tighten, and my stomach get that familiar sick feeling. I remember just what we have lost. And get glimpse in my mind of our old life and it saddens me. The ability to jump in my Denali and buy the kids a pair of sneakers or go visit a friend, without the fear of breaking down and having air conditioning or heat, a seat belt for everyone. Being able to tell you where all my stuff is. Right as this moment, if I had to get the kids ready for school, I couldn't tell you where half of their things are. I met my cousin at the pool with Emma's bathing suit bottom and my top! My stuff is packed and scattered everywhere. I just didn't have the luxury of packing it and putting it, neat and labeled, in a storage, because all of that cost money. All of this sooo goes against my nature. But I am determined to, and I tell myself, not to let these things get the best of me, they are not going to rule my life. They are not priority! Sherri Marie, my cousin, was telling me when someone gets evicted they just put the people's things out by the road, and people stop and just rummage through it, as if it were trash, not someones life. There are people living in one room dumps, entire families! Our economy is in a sad state of affairs. Families moving in with grandparents and siblings. There is a home next to us that is up for sale and a cleaning crew was sent in and they found that families children's baby books, first pictures, a bin full of memorabilia, that no doubt they had no choice but to leave behind. I can completely relate, I had to prioritize my things, by what was most important. Number one a bigger U-haul would have cost more money and gas and we just don't have the money for storage. So you just do what you gotta do. I hear people say, have more faith, are you finances in a mess, is your marriage in jeopardy, do you have a child in trouble? Your faith must be weak? Your trust in God must be weak, well I think it might be the opposite. I think, it takes a strong person to go through losing a home, gather their things and make a home for her family no matter where they have to live. I think it takes a ALOT of faith in God to remain in a marriage that week after week you see no progress, and it takes tremendous faith, to trust in God, it takes faith not to lose your faith, when you see a child you have raise to do right and you see a situation you know will eventually lead them to heartache. I can say today, I feel very strong, I feel confident in who I serve and in my faith. It doesn't mean I don't doubt or I don't get down, but I feel strong because of what I have been through, and God has strengthened my faith, not made it weaker just because I have had trails and hardships in my life, faith isn't all fluff and angels singing, faith is having the strength to get through today, and when you lay down, you know God will greet you in the morning and give just what you need to get through the next, and faith is not allowing the hardness of life to keep you from trying to help the
people around you who you know are helpless and alone, faith keeps you from losing your compassion!