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Saturday, May 21, 2011

Angie, he whispered my name

"Angie", he whispered my name, and suddenly I could hardly stand, I was dizzy, "You have to drive Wyatt to school."  Kenny had scheduled to ride to Asheville with Emma,well, number one; we didn't have the gas for the beast, and two; he HAD to take care of some business regarding our company back home, Aesthetic Engineering Koncepts, Inc. I was very sensitive over this matter, already, because I get very attached to things, not for the reasons you might think, but for reasons I will explain in a moment. How Kenny came to our business name, almost 15 yrs ago, is it is a acronym. A is for Angela E is for Emma, and K for Kenny, and I always get attached to anything that is close to home, and it has nothing to do with financial issues, so this was a difficult day for me.  Kenny was going to address one of the last things relating to Aesthetic Engineering Koncepts. A few more loose ends and the business was no more. Back to my attachment of things, that business represented our family, our legacy. I have seen Kenny pull out one of our company checks, too many times to recall ,and slip them into a needy hand. It had been a part of sending Bibles and missionaries around the world. It had bought  missionary families, not an ordinary meal like they had been accustomed to, but a meal of real expense to show our appreciation for the sacrifices their families had made. So, no, not just Kenny, I had invested, not by working  but by the honoring of not having Kenny at home and  by being in the background and making things work so he would be more efficient. Also by giving of our monies. A part of Bible history comes to mind, God said pay a man a fair wage. The cries of the men, whose money you have held back,  come up to Me, because they don't have enough to live on. So we always made sure to pay more than the market price. And we always had extremely skilled, loyal, and devoted men, who, also, became like family.This business was an extension of our family. See you don't live your life at church then  live your life at home but then in your business live another way. The old platitude of "Business is Business", which is used to justify deception and greed is dreadful.  It is ironic we are here now, that is, with no "honor" left. The principles you believe in should apply to all areas of your life and we tried, as best we knew how, to display this through our business. So this is why these "things" meant so much to me. I will explain the significance of the Denali at a later time as well. Back to the whisper of my name. The reason I became dizzy and felt this horrid darkness come over me was that I had heard the exact same whisper before. I was awoken March 7, 2008 at 2:17 am with the whisper of my name. "Angie, we have to go get Emma's car." I came to, immediately, not necessarily alarmed. She had just texted me a few hours earlier (a system she and I used). She would text, every so often, and I would go back to sleep not even a mild interruption. So I assumed she was broke down. As I stood, he said, "No she has been arrested." Emma has been arrested.?..... I don't know how, I am not a skilled enough writer to display the emotion I felt at the time, nor even at this moment as I relive it by trying to tell the story.  As I pulled on a pair of Kenny jeans from the floor and slipped on a hoodie we rode to the campus in silence and in shock. Emma had a studio apartment above the garage and we hadn't heard her come and leave again.  I know for sure what we Both were thinking, but most likely it was,  "God what had we missed." I KNOW, at least, what I was thinking, "God what had "I" missed." By the way I have asked Emma permission to use this story and she said yes. She did say she, at this time, does not want to read my blog, maybe someday, but not at this time. As we arrived at Florida State University we saw the lights flashing and Emmas Audi  the trunk open, her beach towel hanging half out, all her doors open, her pink flip flop air freshener hanging from the mirror, one of her flip flops laying beside the back door, and the floorboard covered in clothes. My eyes took me to a Police car pulling away with the child we had dubbed our "Resurrection" child, the  child who came after losing four, the child who should not exist,  being taken to the county jail. As I folded her stuff and placed it back in her car, as if it really mattered, and pulled away I looked around , it looked like her, it smelled like her, it felt like her,  the only thing missing was her. We got home and I sat in her car staring up at her at room and thought I had better call my Mom. The officer had told us Emma refused to give him our number..She said she would rather face the punishment alone than to hurt us in the way she knew it going to hurt us. So once she was out of sight he called us and gave us the option to get her car instead of impounding it. We were grateful.  Emma also declined bail. She said she would not cost us any money. She knew to do right but had made her own decision, she also knew we would not spend one penny on legal help under these conditions.  He said (the officer) I could be at her hearing at 7:oo the next morning. So I called Mom and she headed to Tallahassee to watch the children so I could be at Emmas hearing the next morning. As I sat there I am ashamed to say I had the thought that had I not had other children the pain in my heart was so great that I did not want to live. My own convictions would not and could not allow us to post bail for a child that knew better , but saying that, it did not relieve the ache in my arms to a hold her and tell her we would get through this. As I arrived for her hearing I realized God put so many people in the situations in  Emmas  life, as well as beginning a healing in my own life, but I will stay on track and not share all the details at this time. But as to how God got ME through, you don't appear in person anymore you appear via camera. When he announced  her name Emma Alexandra Dyer (her surname Dyer, given name Emma Alexandra) I remembered how Kenny and I took great consideration in naming our children. Emma being "servant to mankind" as well as 4th generation family female name, Alexandra is derivative of Alexander the Great which is "great leader".  As the judge said this name I died a thousand deaths, and the snot started running, and the whys and the whys and the whys........ God You said train them up in Your ways and when they are old they will not depart from them. This seems like a pretty big departure. As she focused and caught a glimpse of me she said, " Mr judge I don't want my Mom here she has raised me right and she should not be here please Mom don't cry>"  I stand ..interrupt Emma, "I love you!" He says," Ms Dyer don't make admissions!"  "But I did it I am 18 and I have never seen my parents drink and I did it."  "Ms. Dyer Ms DYER!!" He is now standing. "My parents taught me not to lie!" I shouted,  "Emma I'm proud of you!!! "Mom I love you!"  "Mrs DYER, Ms DYER. QUIET!!! QUIET!!!" He looked around the room, it is packed, so he chooses his words carefully, "Could you come up here Mrs Dyer? Ms. Dyer I am going to talk to your Mom and I will get back to you in a moment."   Emma is GONE (the video feed was cut). He told  me to talk to the District Attorney who would be prosecuting Emma for drunk driving (one of  four felonies she was charged with) which at this time I did not know she had denied council. Then he said,  "Mrs. Dyer, by the way, it is quite refreshing to see a young person take responsibility for their actions. I wish you and Emma the best." So I spoke to the attorney and, unbelievably, they released her on her own recognisance. God was working, even then, in Emma. But even more in me. You see from that morning on I began to have crippling bouts of panic and fear attacks. As Kenny and I signed Emma out and I felt her in my arms and smelled the familiar smell of her hair I said, "Thank you God that she had not been killed herself or killed someone else." But I sensed a little bit of her strong spirit saying "well my friends do it all the time and get away with it"  and knew that God still had alot of work left to do in this situation. I also knew in my heart, she would pay the fees, represent herself, show up for court days but I would face the bad attitudes, the "this sucks why did I get caught" rants and I had my own questions of how my daughter wound up here in the first place. So on an inward level my attitude was just as bad, I just hid it better. And we were yet to know how this would turn out and it would take it's toll on our relationship as well. Mine and kennys.

2 comments:

  1. Angie, you do great work. Great detail in your writing. Blesssed by these stories and so rich in meaning. Blessings

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  2. I got a text from a friend asking me how I was after posting this? I had no idea how emotionally draining remembering, even after 3 years, a day like this can be. It wiped me out. Even on the backside looking back, it was just as raw and painful. I am confident I am to share my story with other women because the details may be different but the emotions all run just as deep. Thxs for the encouragement David :)

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