Coming back from financial and spiritual devastation, follow me as I share my story as a women with candid and transparent writing.
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Sunday, August 7, 2011
Found My Front Door!
I could not believe my eyes, this was the one! Let me back up, I always get ahead of myself when I get excited and I get excited when I am building and tearing and decorating and finding good DEALS!!! I found a wonderful store, it is connected to Habitat for Humanity, all proceeds go to fund the program, which is a wonderful, wonderful organization. It is a big warehouse, no A/C, very rough, no fluff , but my kinda store!And it has just about everything, and I mean everything. From a restaurant that has closed to a foreclosed house that has been gutted and only 10 pieces of tile have been salvaged. But, let me tell you I love, love, love this place. You can find the most unique things, like my front door! I can only imagine where my door came from, the history, the story, it looks old, maybe another lil beach cottge, who knows, that's what's so thrilling! There is something so fulfilling about rummaging through stuff that looks like junk and finding something that you know you can make into something great. We have all become so accustomed, almost lazy, to just buying what we need, no personal investment, no ownership, no creativity. And it seems it has made people value nothing, have too many things. I find now, these "things" I truly love and value, because I have an investment in them. Even my kids, I will hear them tell the stories behind the things we have in our home, even they have a pride for the things I have found and made into something beautiful. It seems we are headed back to a time when my junk might be someone else's treasure. I think it gives people a sense of community to give to each other, to be involved in others lives, it teaches us empathy, compassion, concern for someone besides ourselves. My kids will now say Mom do you think so and so could use this? Never would they have ever even thought of such a thing before we found ourselves here. So for that I am grateful. So back to my door! It is amazing! They had 50.00 on it. Which was a little high for our budget, since we have no budget, Ha Ha, so I offered the man 25.00 and he took it!!! While I was there I also found some tile, two bags of grout, a blind for the kitchen window and the door all for 30.00!!! It was so much more fun than looking in a book and ordering it! This has been a hard 3 weeks, we have been working everyday. And not on minor things, major things. Things that keep everything in a mess and 'everything" where it doesn't belong. A womans nightmare, especially one like me, tetering on mental delution!!! You would think these things would get easier, but they seem to get harder on me with age, or maybe it is my mental capacity. It doesn't seem to hold up as well under situations like these, it almost gets muddled or confused. I know Kenny thinks I'm crazy at times, He will ask me a question, a question about something we have talked about for days, for instance the room we are framing in, and I will have this blank stare or have a stupid response, he will say, "Woman, are you alright?" And I will laugh it off, but inside I am silently concerned, embarrassed that I am crazy or something is wrong. As woman we are built to hold it all together no matter what, because no matter what, our family comes first, my children come first, my mental breakdown will just have to wait until I have the kids rooms layed out, the house in order, them in the right school and sure they are settled and happy, Kenny's needs meet, and only then I can have my breakdown. In all seriousness, I layed in bed last night feeling overwhelming. It is just one more week until school starts and I still have my kids camping in the living room. I try to make dinner and keep everyone on a, some-what of a, normal schedule, but we are not "normal", we still have a toilet that is sitting in the middle of a room with no wall around it, like I said, the kids are sleeping in the living room! We are still getting clothes out of bins. I was shopping for that front door, and for a couple of hours I just forgot it all and just enjoyed the "hunt'. I go to find something and I just keep moving things from one place to another, it is just exhausting, and a constant reminder of what a disorganized mess things are. The kids have been so great, they get up every morning and make their beds, keep their lil areas picked up, they're happy as pie, I guess I could take a lesson from them, but, like I said early on, this is my blog and I am writing about how I feel and hopefully how other women feel as well. But, the kids I see it in their eyes, feed off of my emotions, if I am happy, they are happy, they look to me to set the standard for just about everything they do. I set the "how" our day goes. That is a powerful position we Mothers hold. Wow, I guess I just spoke to myself, as woman that is why we do what we do, lil eyes are always on us, looking to us to find peace, security, joy,whatever emotion that day will bring usual the parent (Mom) sets it. As I started this day, thinking, am I little loony ?, Or do I just expect a little too much, I reflect back to the past few days, I hear the laughter of my children and I hear my eldest (Wyatt) say, "Mom I didnt know how much went into these "special" sandwiches you make me, thanks Mom", or Isabella, "Mom" as I was fixing her hair, "how do you always know just what I always need", or Coleman whispering in my ear, just yesterday, "If I want to come home keep your phone on you", he was wanting to spend the night with a cousin, and he knew, as in the past I would come get him, even in the middle of the night. So Moms, crazy, a lil, I guess yes, if managing all that we do for the ones we love, I guess it is well worth the loonicy. One day we will have this lil beach cottage done! And maybe, just maybe, in the process, I won"t lose my sanity, and maybe, just maybe, I am gaining a lot more than just a little beach cottage.