Coming back from financial and spiritual devastation, follow me as I share my story as a women with candid and transparent writing.
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Thursday, July 28, 2011
Loving Someone May Cost You Something
Had a great time getting initiated into the gang. My cousin has a group of friends she met while pregnant with her middle child and they have remained friends some 12 yrs later, which is a very unusual thing. People are just not loyal. They don"t seem to know what it is like to attach themselves to someone and love them regardless of what they may be going through, just simply love them. It is easy to love someone when they require nothing of you, and their life is all neat and tidy, it gets a little more complicated when they're losing their home, going through a divorce or they have a child arrested, because it may COST them something to remain friends. When you go to the grocery store you may have to buy your kids less so you can buy your friends family a few groceries. Don"t we all have something we can share, anyway? My Granny always said that as long as she invited someone in need to her table her table always had plenty. How different things would be if we all abided by her conviction. No book she read, no talk show she heard, no tally system she kept, i.e. (well if I help this one, I can't help that one) no, she just helped whoever was in front of her that had a need. She didn't ask if they really needed it, or deserved it, I think she felt that was left in the hands of God, her reward was in giving, not judging. And I am one of the worst, it is just my nature, because I am a rule follower, and if you follow the rules, your life should follow suit. . NOT!! Life just isn't like that. I would have never admitted it but, I never missed church, helped the homeless, paid tithes, etc.. so why did things turn out the way they did? If I gave, why did I lose my home, I raised Emma from the wound in a Christian home, yet, she made her own decisions that ultimately lead to a felony count, why did these thing happen, especially, if I had played by the rules! If life is drivin by karma, I suck at it, I must have been a goat in another life! You should do these things, you chose to live by the principles I spoke of in the very first post I wrote, because you know they are the right thing to do. And you also have the hope beyond your own failures and inadequacies that God ultimately holds your future, and your children's future, in His hands. As I have made entries into this blog I have often thought of statements like,"If I did this", or "I did that", I guess trying to justify why it is not our fault we wound up here, but, almost 3 and half years later, I think the only significance of any of that is, I did what I knew to be right and the rest is out of my hands. What I have taken from this crazy ride is, the past 3 years I have been able to give very little, monetary wise, and the tally system has been W A Y in Gods favor. He has meet our need through so many different sources, I could'nt began to name them all, saying that..... it was not an easy, layed out, nice and neat, schedule of when to expect the next check. There were many days and nights I looked to the heavens and cried OUT what are we going to do? From, not having electricity, to not having food, to no hot water, to needing to see a Doctor, not minor things but big things, like seeing my heart and soul, Em, arrested and being driven away. Things that alter your mind and soul, forever burned into the recesses of your mind, but, there was a time I felt abandoned and alone, and I felt as though I had failed God in someway and I was being punished, because my life was not going along in a manner that I was use to, in fact looking back, even though it was not in a conventional way, no matter how we got here, we got here. God always met us! And we may not have had a roof over our head that had our name on the deed, but none the less God provided us a shelter, and my family was in tact and safe. So I have learned to not be so hard even on myself about my lack of faith or lack of ability to believe, or at times even question, because even with all that, I rely on His abilities and His faithfulness to see us through. Kenny and I sat and made an outline, so twice a week I will be getting back to our story, and the other 3 days I will be writing about our day to day present life and the progress of our lil beach cottage.