Jesus help me!

I have spent the past 5 hours trying to -aline- sign in -sign out -get pictures -emailed and figures out how to get into another post. I am sure it will seem funny in a few day but right now lets just say if I was a baptist I would be cussing right now. But, I keep telling myself that these things get easier every time I do them. I am not in a very nice mood because I have not been keeping food in the house that I can eat and I am HUNGRY! And I am ILL! I have Celiac and I have very few options. So I get lazy and live off salad oatmeal, apples and rice cakes. Yuk!! It makes me ill!!! I have got to go to the grocery store tomorrow. I went upstairs to gather everyone clothes for church remembering all the good memories we have had. I would shop on Saturday for our Sunday clothes and the excitement that it would bring. We always felt you dress you best for other functions, so why not for the house of God? so as a family we always abide by that tradition.  As I thought about that excitement I felt when I shopped I thought about something I had read. Happiness, the way God defines it, is a state of well being that reaches deep into the soul of a man or woman. Its context is much broader than mere circumstance. Its effect on the emotions goes beyond momentary excitement. I will say I have not shopped for church clothes since we have been here almost 14 months ago. but I can say I have had true excitement. True joy. But I have had many many night when I have laid my head down and not known how I would have the gas to drive my children to school. And have prayed God you are my only source you are my only hope. I didn't even have the courage to tell Kenny how scared and afraid I was. I could not bring myself to say it out loud. True excitement true joy deep in your soul is not dependent on your circumstances it is dependent on true assure that we know WHO holds our tomorrow. Good night.

Intro to who I am :)

Well this is my first blog ever! First thank you Sherri Marie! I have felt for over a year I should start a blog, yet  fear has prevented me from doing so.  Saying that, I have been keeping a video diary that I will be sharing. The beginning of 2008 would start a journey for me that I never would have dreamed possible. I would see a child arrested, a child almost die, married almost 24 yrs then separated by 500 miles and have my mobility, since 15 (auto) taken away. I will be honest and forthright and, at times, this will not shed the best light on me. I ask for you to extend your kindness to me, give me grace. At one of my darkest moments, and believe me I will be writing and speaking of many, I made a decision, out of shear determination and stubbornness, that my children would see a Mother who displayed character and integrity through good as well as BAD times. Alot of stories start at the beginning, but I think I will start at the present and work back. I am no Theologian, nor Bible scholar but I am 5th generation devoted church goer. I am also not a writer or an English major. That is not my objective or gifting. But I did get named the fastest texting Mom at my daughters High School! So sometimes I revert back to texting text! Saying all that, I base my life, raise my children, minister to women, and give advice from where I come from. My Southern roots, my Granny which is my Moms Mother, my own Dad and Mom and my extended family. Our great Nation is in crisis and I am afraid it is only going to get worse. We hear only the negative day after day and I have always felt like I have  the ability to find the good or the positive in anything if you are willing to look for it. I will be updating often because I had been keeping a video diary so I hope you find my story, our story, of interest. I hope if you find yourself in a place of crisis you can find hope in our family. Their will be tears but their will be lots of laughter as well!!! I will be telling our story from my perspective, not Kenny or not my children's.  I have been married to Kenny for 27 yrs.We have 4 children. Emma 21, Wyatt13,Cole11, Isabella 8, 2 dogs sweetie pie and Gracie Mae.

Bella's xrays

When you go through very stressful life altering experiences I think your mind goes into a protective mode that only allow you to deal with the very minimal things. And then when you are at a better place I think those thing resurface and you have to address them.This is why I chose to tell my story from the present to the beginning because this is how these thing come to me. I recall the first time I realized how bad our situation really was. Isabella had hurt her arm and had to have xray. Well we had already moved in with my Mom so the night before her appointment as I had always done, I went through my closet matching my linen pants with a breezy top bringing out my bag to match the sandals I had picked out. I'd  had my hair colored the day before and had sunned in the yard so I was feeling sunkissed! Went to bed. Morning came got in Moms car and drove to the hospital. As I sat their waiting chatting, smiling up the room, Isabella playing at a table with a little girl my name was called. As I stood, my life suddenly began in slow motion. I looked down at the keys in my hands and they were not even mine but my Mothers.  As I made my first step to the receptionist she said my name out loud and attached to my name was a word I was not familiar with. Medicaid. As I made my way to her designer bag in hand, matching shoes, sweat forming on my forehead, I had a moment. A moment that my life had changed. Just three short years  before my Denali would have been parked out front and my private insurance card would have been in hand. Now back to my walk of shame. As she yelled my name Angela Dyer Medicaid, suddenly I gained my composure and by the time I reached her I had a great sense of pride and appreciation for this great country we live in. A country that would afford my child health care when her Dad had lost his Job.  A country Kenny and I had invested in for all of our adult life. As I drove home from that appointment I thought about the people who face that kind of humiliation on a daily basis and it changed me. And it gave me a greater love for my country. That night as I lay in bed praying God what are we going to do their is nothing left to sell, nothing on the books, no hope of work. God we need you. But I had been praying that for 3 years.